Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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