i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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