i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
