Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
