I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
