I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
