She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
