I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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