remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
