I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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