Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
