Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
