Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
false alarm. still invincible.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
