Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
