Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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