Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
