I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
