mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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