Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
