So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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