it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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