yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
