Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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