I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
