Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize