Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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