i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
