I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
