My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
