ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
