Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
