i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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