We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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