i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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