I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
