Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
