Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
