Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
