Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
