it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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