she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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