i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
