Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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