I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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