I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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