Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
