1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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