Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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