Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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