She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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