She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
