Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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