I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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