do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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