this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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