Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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