remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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