Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
