I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
