So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
