i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize