If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
