i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
