how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
