Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
