Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
